Cut up
by totti10
Summary: A Riain fic. Taking a bit of what's coming from (then) upcoming episode 'Maybe this year' (s30e14) and putting my own spin on how that pans out (no doubt with a lot more Riain than will actually feature on the show! Ho hum... Update since ep: ha! understatement!) Hope you enjoy x
1. Chapter 1

**A Riain fic. Taking a bit of what's coming from (then) upcoming episode 'Maybe this year' (s30e14) and putting my own spin on how that pans out (no doubt with a lot more Riain than will actually feature on the show! Ho hum... Update: ha! understatement!) Hope you enjoy, reviews welcome (encouraged!) as always :) x**

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That's you all done Mr Davies, I'll leave you with Robyn here to sort out getting you discharged." The blonde nurse directed a smile towards her patient that she definitely wasn't feeling inside. Chewing on the inside of her lip again she sighed knowing she'd fallen short of her own high standards in the time she'd been treating the elderly gentleman. From a clinical point of view she'd been as professional as ever despite the presence of a sickening knot in her stomach throughout. It was the warmth and humour she normally prided herself on that had been noticeably absent. She'd been much too distracted for small talk since news had filtered through to staff about events unfolding outside the hospital.

Drawing back the cubicle curtains she saw the familiar figure of her consultant colleague leaning against the reception desk.

"Zoe! Is there any... any update?" She asked desperately of her friend as she hurried towards her.

"I've not heard anything more, sorry" the doctor replied shaking her head. She reached for Rita's arm and touched it lightly.

"Can I go out there? I need..." Her voice tailed off but before Zoe could answer the doors to reception crashed open, the relative peace of the department shattered by the ensuing scene. The patient, a woman from what Rita could see, was obviously in a seriously bad way. Connie, Jacob and Charlie were all in attendance alongside the trolley with vital stats and instructions being barked out as they rushed straight through to resus. Rita's heart plummeted as she saw that the paramedic with the trolley was Dixie.

"O god it _was_ them" she breathed, bile rising in her throat. She clutched at Zoe to steady herself.

"Dixie are you ok?" Zoe demanded. She had placed her hand on Rita's and squeezed it lightly, The senior paramedic, a graze visible on her cheek, nodded with her lips set in a grim smile. The entourage disappeared into resus as the entrance doors swung open again, this time Max was pushing a wheelchair containing what looked like a police motorcyclist, his arm in a temporary sling.

"Let's get him though to cubicles, Max and get this arm sorted" Louise the nurse alongside them directed.

Rita released her grip on Zoe and made to head towards the door, her face pale and tears starting to prick her eyes. _Where was he? This really couldn't be happening..._

She stopped dead as the doors opened for a third time.

The dark-haired paramedic with Big Mac looked around reception uncertainly, a far cry from the urgency or swagger with which he usually conducted himself within the hospital walls.

"Iain..." Rita whispered. "O thank god..." Her shoulders shuddered with the force of the huge breath she exhaled. Iain's hand dropped from where he'd been holding it to his head and Rita let out a small gasp

"Zoe his face..."

"Come on" Zoe said to her gently, placing a hand in the small of her back and steering her towards the two men.

"Did you lose consciousness at all, Iain?" Zoe asked casting her eyes over the amount of blood on his right temple and cheek. When he shook his head she continued.

"Right then Mr Dean. I'm sure this looks a lot worse than it actually is but the good news is that you've still qualified for a free upgrade with us here today. I'm going to assign no less than our clinical nurse manager to look after you" Zoe cast her eyes between the nurse and her now patient and smiled softly at the pair. Leaning conspiratorially towards Iain she continued

"You're lucky, apparently she's a bit of a babe" With a little wink in Rita's direction Zoe started to walk away happy that the situation wasn't a lot worse and that she'd at least managed to raise a smile out of the pair.

"I'm going to check how they're getting on in resus and I'll come back to assess the damage once Rita's seen to you ok?"

"Thanks Zoe" Rita mouthed towards her friend as Iain nodded reluctantly "I've got this Big Mac thanks" she addressed the healthcare assistant relieving him of his duties.

"Right well I think I can legitimately do this under the circumstances" Rita said quietly slipping her shoulder underneath Iain's arm, her own arm around his waist and guiding him towards the nearest empty cubicle. She was shocked to feel him noticeably lean into her and had to adjust her stance and grip so that her tiny frame offered up the support he needed.

"Iain?" Rita's voice was full of concern.

"Woah, sorry" he started, righting himself. "I'm knackered, it was pretty full on out there. I guess, I think I just relaxed when you did that. Sorry"

Rita frowned, she felt a little light-headed after all the worry but even her muddled mind felt there might have been a compliment hidden somewhere in that last statement

"I'm not sure that's something you need to be apologising for Iain" she said with a weak smile "C'mon, let's get you sat down before you knock me over"

Iain shuffled himself into a sitting position on the bed while Rita drew the curtain across, taking extra care that it was fully closed. For once this was nothing to do with stolen kisses at work but simply an overwhelming sense that the pair of them needed as much privacy as was possible right now.

She avoided Iain's gaze as she busied herself organising the equipment she needed to tend to her patient's wounds then turned slowly back round to face him.

"Rita are you ok? Your hands are shaking..." Iain searched Rita's face for clues, the nurse biting her top lip to try to hold back the emotion she was feeling. Her vision swam as the tears started to form and she knew she was fighting a losing battle.

"O god, not very professional I'm sorry" she started. She looked up at Iain and gulped back tears "Iain, just thank god you're ok. I-I didn't know what was happening out there and I was so…. scared" her voice broke at the last word.

"Hey, it's OK. Come here you" Iain gently removed the tray and dressings from Rita's hands and placed them next to him. Shifting on the bed he made space for her to stand between his legs and pulled her into him. Rita pressed her face into his chest and succumbed to what were now inevitable tears. Iain held her close and rubbed her back while the sobs silently racked her body, his face against her hair.

'Shush. It's ok now. I'm fine. I'm sorry I was out there so long - it was all a bit of a mess. I wanted to text you but my phone must've flown across the ambulance somewhere. I'm sorry"

Rita's sobs slowly subsided and she pulled herself back to upright accepting some of the fabric dressing as a makeshift tissue. Keeping her head down she tidied up her face before looking back up at Iain sheepishly.

"Feel better for that?" he asked softly, brushing the last trace of a tear away with his thumb.

"Yes thank you, sorry" she took a deep breath and composed herself. "Right let's see what I can do about the mess that is your face"

Iain raised his hand to the wound on his forehead exploring tentatively with his fingers.

"The cut's not that bad is it?"

"Who said I was talking about the cut?" she said with a smirk that was rewarded with a gentle smack on her bum "Deserved" she conceded as she started to clean Iain's face of congealed blood.

Iain marvelled as Rita snapped back into full nurse mode, her touch so gentle, her concentration so focussed. He struggled to suppress a smile as he studied the various facial expressions she pulled whilst totally engrossed in her work. Her question broke the comfortable silence between the pair.

"What happened out there Iain? We all heard a bang but it was only when Robyn came to assist me with Mr Davies' burns that I found out an ambulance was involved. God I just felt sick - I knew the timings tallied with the shout you were on. It had been like what 40 minutes since you got the call out when we were having our break together?" she sighed "Robyn said how many of the team had gone out there, there was just no way I could get away without leaving poor Mr Davies in a lot of pain…"

"I dunno, I think we hit black ice as we came round into the hospital, I was driving, I couldn't brake, steer nothing. Jeez, Reet the ambulance is on its side out there…" Rita's hand shot to her mouth as she took in the seriousness of what had happened.

"And Dixie was in the back?" she asked carefully

"Yes thank God I told her to strap herself in, I was really worried about the road conditions. I wasn't flooring it or anything, it wouldn't have been safe… She would have just gone face first into the side of the ambulance otherwise, fuck…" he shook his head and gulped as he recalled the events of earlier. "But Florence, Rita, she was the one we picked up - I think she's in a really bad way… She got trapped between the side and the trolley, Connie and Jacob were really struggling, there was so much blood from what I could see. Shit, Rita, what happens if I get the blame?" Iain looked up at her with fear in his eyes.

"Hey" Rita took hold of his hands. It was her turn to provide the reassurance. "That's not gonna happen, it was an accident and by the sounds of it you may well have saved Dixie's life"

"Knock knock!" Zoe's voice interrupted before Iain could respond.

"Safe to enter" Rita called, a faint smile greeting the consultant as she drew the curtain back "As always" she added flashing a cheeky grin towards her friend.

"Yeah only just!" Zoe scoffed 'The torch trick was never gonna fool me you amateurs. Used it myself I should know…" She smiled at the pair again. "Got caught up with other patients so I never actually made it to resus. How are we looking here?"

"All cleaned up but I wanted you to have a look before I dressed it. It's not too deep, I reckon we'll be good with glue and a couple of paper stitches what do you think?' Rita stepped back so Zoe could look at the wound. The doctor pressed her fingers gently to Iain's temple either side of the wound.

"Yes I'm happy for you just to carry on with that. Before you get any more of his blood in your hair, eh? I'll not ask how that happened shall I, Nurse Freeman?" She said raising her eyebrows at her friend as Rita and Iain exchanged glances. "I do think we need to send you for a CT Iain, just to be on the safe side"

Iain shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

"Nah you're alright thanks Zoe, it's nothing serious"

"I think I'll be the judge of that" Zoe said firmly "You're probably right, but knowing you you're going to want to be back out there tomorrow and we've got a duty of care to make sure you're in a fit state to do that"

"Tomorrow? I've still got 4 hours of my shift left today" said Iain

"Forget it!" Rita and Zoe said in unison

"Fine" Iain held his hands up knowing better than to argue when two women agreed on something "I still think the scan is OTT. I'll pass"

"Come on Iain you know the score - we're risking other people's lives if we send you out there not having checked you're 100% fit. I'll leave Rita to dish out a bit more TLC and patch you up and I'll be back once I've got us a slot up there. I'd put your feet up while you've got the chance if I were you. See you in a bit." Zoe turned on her heel and left the couple to it.

Rita started to dress the cut but something was making her feel uneasy. She was used to Iain's insistence that everything was fine and him not wanting a fuss made but she couldn't help feeling that she'd picked up on a different emotion when Iain had been resistant to the idea of the scan. Sure he'd recovered from it quickly but for a split second just then she could have sworn it wasn't his usual stubbornness she'd detected, but blind panic.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Part 2 of 2. Gosh this chapter got long! Hope you like it and for any fellow riain shippers out there (the ones I know, know who they are! x) it makes up for how the episode really did pan out last night! Please review if there's anything you think I'm doing well/not well with my writing and I can work on it with future fanfics. Enjoy! :-)**

Iain reclined back on the hospital bed, his head wound now neatly dressed. He let out an exhausted sigh and patted the space next to him. Rita clambered up and sat facing the paramedic.

"Can't wait to see your handiwork." He said running his fingers lightly over the stitches. "I trust you've done a good job?"

"Always" replied Rita "and don't touch, the glue won't be dry yet" she scolded reaching for his hand and pulling it away. She looked down at his fingers as she intertwined them with hers "Actually I think that might be the neatest one I've ever done and by my high standards that's saying something, matey. It's kind of in my interest not to leave you in a mess right? I mean I'll be looking at any scar for like, forever... " she stopped, her cheeks reddening and looked down at their hands again hoping he wouldn't pull her up on her accidental choice of words.

"Forever?" Iain teased gently.

"Just a turn of phrase…?" she mumbled in an attempt to brush the comment off.

"Right" he said slowly, his eyes narrowed as he studied her face, seemingly trying to work something out in his own head. He changed tack in an attempt to make things less awkward. "Now this amazing bedside manner of yours I've heard so much about. Would it happen to involve you lying beside me on _this_ bed?"

She groaned at him but found herself pretty glad of the change in conversation. Tiredness washed over her now and she realised that curling up next to Iain was about the only thing she felt capable of. She turned herself round stretching her legs out next to his and snuggled into his chest, her left arm draped gently across his stomach. Iain stroked her hair softly as her eyelids got heavier.

Iain lay there, eyes wide open, trying to stop his mind from racing. He realised that Rita's closeness and steady breathing was working wonders at keeping him calmer than he would ever have managed had he been facing this alone. The accident, this scan and now thoughts of exactly what this beautiful woman meant to him. He wished he could step outside of his head temporarily, sure that that would help him untangle the mess inside.

Minutes passed and Iain's thoughts were interrupted suddenly by a mop of curly brown hair appearing through a gap in the curtains.

The younger nurse's eyes widened at the scene before him but Iain quickly put his finger to his lip to make sure Rita wasn't disturbed.

"Come in mate. Oh and don't worry about your boss, I think she does this with all her patients" he joked, his voice as quiet as he could make it and still be heard. Lofty opened his mouth to speak but it was clear he didn't actually have a clue what to say. Iain tried to help him out.

"I'm joking Lofty? Rita's just been sorting out this cut I got in the crash outside. We're… er… well I guess we're together"

"What like since the crash?" the younger man said incredulously, clearly no less confused.

"Naaah!" Sorry I'm not really helping am I? The blonde, you know, I told you I was seeing the other week?" Lofty nodded slowly, now at least that was something that did ring a bell.

"We-e-ell" Iain was getting a bit exasperated now, he stabbed a finger in Rita's direction "this is her, sleeping beauty here" he looked down at her peaceful face and then back at Lofty smiling sheepishly "sorry mate, i'm not sure why we've kept it such a big secret, seems a bit daft now, less grief I guess… it's been going on a few months"

"Ah I seeeee" Lofty's face finally cracked into a huge smile "mate, nice moves! Is she OK? I brought her a cup of tea actually. Zoe said she'd probably been a bit knocked sideways by her latest patient. I geddit now." The nurse started bouncing a happy dance until Iain interrupted.

"Lofty. The tea? You're spilling it everywhere, mate. Rita's fine, she didn't find out I was ok for ages, and then I appeared like a muppet covered in blood, took it out of her bless her. This is gonna freak her out, mind" he looked fondly down on the sleeping woman and kissed the top of her head while Lofty wiped the cup he was holding on the trousers of his scrubs.

"Rita! Wake up sweetheart, Lofty's brought you a cup of tea" he shook her shoulder lightly.

Rita stirred and opened an eye, she looked up at Iain, then slowly round the cubicle, eventually clocking Lofty in the corner.

"Shit. Lofty!" She spun round on the bed to bring herself to sitting as her hand shot up to her head in an attempt to smooth down her hair and look presentable "Iain! Oh gosh you let me fall asleep. Lofty I'm so sorry I can explain. Erm…" she flustered.

Iain put a hand on her arm.

"Reets it's fine, he knows. About us I mean. And you fell asleep because you needed too. Lofty's just brought you a cup of tea, bless his heart"

Rita shot Lofty an embarrassed smile and shook her head. This shift was definitely not panning out as she'd expected, it was all feeling very surreal. She curled her fingers gratefully around the mug that Lofty held out to her and took a sip of the sweet tea, her thoughts feeling instantly clearer.

"Sorry Iain, I can't believe I crashed out like that, are you feeling ok?" Iain nodded and Rita turned back to the other nurse "Lofty, thank you for the tea lovely. Any chance we can pretend that you didn't just find me in here though? Perhaps if I promised to bring in cake for the rest of the week?"

"Consider it forgotten" Lofty smiled "Err. Not the cake part though obviously. Actually I also came to tell you that the girl in resus is going to be OK and Zoe said CT will be ready for you shortly. She'll be along any sec. No tea for you until you're done mate, sorry"

"Iain are you ok?" Rita's voice was suddenly full of concern .

"I'm fine" Iain snapped startling Lofty who looked between the pair nervously.

"Sorry mate, just following orders on the tea front, I-I'll get you one later?" Lofty offered.

"I don't think it's that Lofty, don't worry. Do you mind giving us a moment?" Rita said to her staff member softly. Lofty nodded wordlessly and left the pair alone in the cubicle once more.

Rita turned to face Iain taking his hand in hers. _God his eyes are beautiful_ she thought to herself, certainly not for the first time, her stomach flipping involuntarily in spite of the situation. _Why do I never feel like I know what's going on behind them though?_ She tried to meet his gaze but he seemed to want to look anywhere but at her.

"What is it Iain?" She had felt his body tense against hers when Lofty mentioned the scan.

"I can't do it" Iain said quietly "I'm scared"

"I don't understand" Rita started "you're worried they'll find something wrong? Look, I can be here when you get back if you like, I'll clear it with Charlie, take my lunch?"

They heard the sound of heels approaching and both looked up as Zoe reappeared in the cubicle entrance.

"Right Mr Dean lets get you checked out. No arguments please"

Iain clutched at Rita's hand.

"Come with me" his voice was a frightened whisper, his eyes pleading.

"Zoe?" Rita turned towards the consultant who shrugged indifferently.

"Charlie's not expecting you back 'til after your lunch, fine by me. I don't think we need to give you wheelchair treatment in this case Iain but no falling over on me please. Come on, let's go"

The trio made their way to the lift, Rita relieved that once inside and along the deserted corridors of the second floor she was able to hold Iain's hand without raising any eyebrows. His grip was tight, his palm clammy. Rita's mind continued to whirl. She was grateful to her friend for not asking any questions, Zoe seemingly happy to give them their privacy unless she was addressed directly.

They pushed through the doors of the scan room, Zoe greeting the technicians inside and taking her place behind the screen. Rita grabbed an apron and led Iain over to the bed. She had brought patients here more times than she could remember but her head swam with thoughts of a time she'd accompanied another significant male to this very spot. Shaking the memory away she patted the bed.

"Up you get then. Iain…?" The man was visibly shaking now, his breathing was starting to labour and despite the dim lighting Rita could see a thin layer of sweat on his forehead. "Zoe, sorry could you just give us a moment?" Rita called over her shoulder.

"Iain, sit down please" she directed taking both of his hands. He obeyed silently. Leaning in to him Rita continued, her voice lower

"It's about going in there isn't it?" Her head nodded towards the opening of the scanner. Iain's eyes were wide and locked on hers. He blinked slowly and she knew she had her confirmation.

"Oh Iain" she whispered sadly "you should have just said sweetheart" she rubbed her thumbs over the back of his hands. "OK listen. Just trust me here OK?" Iain gulped and nodded.

"I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, OK. Do you think you can just lie down for me? I've got your hand" she said, squeezing it gently, her voice still barely over a whisper.

Iain did as he was told, his eyes never leaving Rita's face.

"OK now I've got this line about you pretending to be wet spaghetti that I sometimes use with the little ones but in your case…" She paused and took a breath " I just want you to close your eyes and pretend that we're lying next to each other in bed ok?" Iain stared at her for her moment then nodded, the faintest shadow of a smile momentarily lifting his features before he closed his eyes.

"OK so it's the morning, we've both got a day off, you're awake - eyes still closed - but you know i'm not going to be awake for a bit, I'm… well I guess I'm snoring. Just for the purposes of this story mind!" She squeezed his hand again and thought she saw a hint of a smirk on his features, the rise and fall of his chest was starting to become more regular.

 _It's working, keep going_

"So you're going to be thinking about whose turn it is to make the pancakes when we get up and what a mess we're going to make of my kitchen and the world record you're going to break by how many you can shove down your neck…and…" she dropped her voice even lower "and what I'll do if I you get any maple syrup on your nose again"

Rita looked over her shoulder at the group behind the screen and gestured that they were nearly ready before continuing.

"And once you're done with all that, you can think about how you're going to roll over and stare at me until I wake up. Don't think I don't know that you do that, Iain Dean" she brought his hand up to her lips and kissed it gently. By now Iain was lying as peacefully as if he was actually sleeping himself.

"OK, Iain, I've just got to let go for a minute. Keep your eyes tight closed, get all that thinking done and this will be over before you know it. I'll be right here next to you" She nodded to Zoe and flicked the switch at the side of her setting the machine whirring into action.

Rita watched Iain set his jaw and squeeze his eyes tighter shut. The relief at seeing his body remain motionless caused her to exhale loudly and sink back against the outside of the machine. She attempted to make sense of the jumble of thoughts in her head.

 _Claustrophobia then? Related to his time in Afghanistan maybe? Or something else? God I barely know anything about this guy's past. But I want to know everything about him. Will he ever feel comfortable enough to want to open up to me?_

And then a different voice, one that had been trying to infiltrate her thoughts since she first started to clean Iain's wounds:

" _I'm guessing you haven't told them here?_

 _What do they think? You're divorced? You haven't met the right man?"_ Rita heard her ex's voice so clearly that her eyes shot open and she had to check that it was still Iain in the scanner not Mark. The bed was starting to slide back out of the scanner now, Iain's body still relaxed. The nurse sighed and closed her eyes again.

" _You haven't told them here... You haven't met the right man"._

 _No that's not it, Mark, you're wrong..._

"Ok Iain that's great, we're done. I'll be with you in a sec" Zoe's voice came over the intercom.

"Rita?" Iain's fingers found hers again as he swung himself round to sitting. He locked his eyes on hers. "Thank you" he mouthed.

"Oh my gosh Iain, I'm so proud of you" the words rushed out as she wrapped her arms round him and buried her head in his chest.

"Really? What? For being too scared to go in there?" Rita pulled back so she could see his face and he looked away awkwardly.

"No for being brave enough to go in there without even flinching." She moved up onto her tiptoes and placed a soft kiss on his lips. Iain's arms tightened around her back.

"Sorry to interrupt you two" Zoe was walking towards the scanner "It's good news. All clear. And well done both of you, I'm seriously impressed. Told you Iain, this is Holby's best nurse, you're a lucky boy." she smiled as she turned to leave the room. "I'll see you back downstairs"

Iain chuckled softly and Rita shook her head in amazement, partly at the compliment, partly in wonder at how perceptive her friend was when she could have sworn that the whole exchange between her and Iain had been obscured from the others' view.

She turned back to the paramedic.

"Iain I've been thinking…" she realised it didn't matter what his response was, there was something she had to say.

"Me too. Nurse's orders while I was in there actually. And I need to ask you something…" He was looking directly at her again.

"You first then" she said, wondering if she'd lose her nerve by waiting.

"I..um… I think I was starting to have a panic attack back there…" Rita nodded gently "and what you said. What you said to calm me down. I...err… I don't think I want you to use those words to calm down anyone else but me. Like ever." Rita's eyes narrowed as she tried to take in what he was saying "I want those to be our words. I want this. Us. I'm stupid for not realising it before now but I'm totally in love with you, Rita"

Rita exhaled slowly, she felt light-headed, like her heart was trying to beat out of her chest. She locked her brown eyes on Iain's face and bit her lip as she tried to take in the events of the day.

"Um... don't feel like you need to say anything back, I just needed to say that. But you said you'd been thinking about something?" Iain looked at Rita nervously as she took a deep breath.

"Yes. I think I want to let Lofty know that it's OK for him to tell Robyn about us" she said with a coy smile. Iain raised an eyebrow.

"And why would you think that exactly?" he asked pulling the blonde woman in close to him, they both knew that any gossip the younger nurse got hold of would be round the hospital like wildfire.

"Because." said Rita, tilting her face so that their noses were touching, their lips only millimetres apart. "Because I want everyone to know about us" Rita's breath was warm against Iain's face. "Because I love you too" Iain's short stubble grazed the soft skin on her chin before their mouths came together in a hungry kiss, their hands instinctively reaching to the back of the other's head, neither wanting the other to pull away or the moment to end.

If they were aware that there were still two other people in the room, neither of them cared.


End file.
